I Don't Want To Die!
by TearShield Alchemist
Summary: I've got a friend, he's a purebred killing machine. I think he might be dead by Christmas... Miriallia spares thoughts on her boyfriend and his best friend. MxT


A/n: Inspired by the song: "Everybody's Gone to War" by Nerina Pallot. I don't own the song, or the person, or **_any_** Gundam series, so there!

_**I Don't Want To Die!**_

Miriallia looked at her boyfriend, knowing the path they had chosen could lead to one of both of their deaths. She smiled at him showing him the path they'd chosen was right, but it was more to convince her, than it was to convince him. She liked living in her little world of oblivion…

_I've got a friend, he's a pure-bred killing machine,  
He said he's waited his whole damn life for this,_

The first day they woke for their shifts, she had to make him look presentable. It was almost like she thought that if he looked fine and worked fine, he would live. She smiled at him again, showing him she believed, even if it was a misbelieving look that spread across her face when he turned to continue walking.

_I knew him well when he was seventeen,  
Now he's a man who'll be dead by Christmas._

After a week, she'd already seen plenty of casualties. Kira was already screwed up enough, she even so far as to argue with that witch Bageruiel to not make him go out. Tolle wasn't fazed, much. But Miriallia couldn't help but worry, knowing the more she smiled, the faker it became.

_And, so...  
Everybody's going to war,  
But we don't know what we're fighting for,  
Don't tell me it's a worthy cause,  
No cause could be so worthy._

Milly looked at Tolle's sleeping form in the bed next to her. More casualties, and this time they were close to dying as well. She felt like crying; she wanted her family. She wanted just to hold Tolle and have him tell her it would be okay. Even if only once, even if it was the last time they spoke…

_If love is a drug, I guess we're all sober,  
If hope is a song I guess it's all over,  
How to have faith, when faith is a crime?  
I don't want to die..._

At the cafeteria Tolle would ask Kira what it was like on the frontlines, but Milly didn't want to know. Kira was messed up mentally, but he told it all, every last excruciating detail… And Milly hated him for it.

_If God's on our side, then God is a joker,  
Asleep on the job, his children fall over,   
Running out through the door and straight to the sky,  
I don't want to die..._

"I don't want to die, Tolle" Milly spoke softly, hearing the faint sounds of explosions and the ship, softly rocking against the tides and the debree. Tolle just smiled, and she could tell it was fake, as all her smiles looked like it. She could tell inside he was quaking with fear, but she never said a word. She only left her bed and held Tolle. Together they cried.

_For every man who wants to rule the world,  
There'll be a man who just wants to be free,_

They grieved for stolen times, memories, faces, homes and places. They grieved for the sights they'd seen, and the wicked schemes they'd encountered. They cried, for the sake of themselves, mere children, and for all the children who were lost in the war…

_What do we learn but what should not be learnt?  
Too late to find a cure for this disease._

Milly looked at Tolle. Another stolen moment in a supply closet. She was getting sick an tired of the stuffy air and the smell of drying pain that she left in a rush, wondering if that'd be the last time they'd have a chance to be together…

_So...  
Everybody's going to war,  
But we don't know what we're fighting for,  
Don't tell me it's a worthy cause,  
No cause could be so worthy._

After meeting that Lacus girl, Miriallia started to doubt the sensibility of war altogether, but she knew she had to hold on for her life, for her sake, for him, Tolle.

_If love is a drug, I guess we're all sober,  
If hope is a song, I guess it's all over,  
How to have faith, when faith is a crime?  
I don't want to die..._

When Milly heard Tolle was going to be fighting on the front, she wanted to scream. She'd seen so many people die that way, and she couldn't bear it if Tolle went like that too. But then wasn't a time to contemplate the future. The only thing left to think about was the present, because you might not be there to experience that future you dreamed of…

_If God's on our side, then God is a joker,  
Asleep on the job, his children fall over,   
Running out through the door, and straight to the sky,  
I don't want to die...  
I-I-I-I  
I-I-I-I  
don't want to die,   
I-I don't want to die..._

After he'd returned for his first mission out there, she wanted to kill him for making her worry so much, but she couldn't because he seemed to enjoy himself. And that thought made her heart shatter. But deep inside she knew that he was doing it to protect his friends, and especially to protect her. As he rambled on about how he shot those "enemies" down, she smiled to show him she cared.

_So...  
Everybody's going to war,  
But we don't know what we're fighting for,  
Don't tell me it's a worthy cause,  
No cause could be so worthy._

A he got ready to pilot again, for what could be the last time in Milly's eyes, she began to wonder if the enemy was really in the wrong. But she quickly got off that subject as she said goodbye to her loved one.

_If love is a drug, I guess we're all sober,  
If hope is a song, I guess it's all over,  
How to have faith, when faith is a crime?  
I don't want to die..._

She watched him pilot those manoeuvres and wipe out a few enemies, but then she heard Kira yell something, that she couldn't make out in the heat of the moment. And then the screen went dead. Not just for Tolle, but for Kira also. Milly tried to talk to them, but they wouldn't answer her, so she tried and tried again. Still nothing. Just a whole pit of _nothingness…_

_If God's on our side, then God is a joker,  
Asleep on the job, his children fall over,   
Running out through the door, and straight to the sky,  
I don't want to die...  
I-I-I-I  
I-I-I-I  
don't want to die,   
I-I don't want to die..._

She ran out of the room in tears. She hadn't lost one important person, but them both, in one day. She held her knees close to her chest, hoping, no, pleading that Tole would come back alive. In her heart, she knew he wouldn't, but she could hope…

_I've got a friend, he's a pure-bred killing machine,  
I think he might be dead by Christmas..._

When Kira arrived back, she didn't ask about Tolle, and he never spoke of it. She did find out who "killed" him, but she hoped it was a cruel joke. She still lived in her little world of oblivion. She didn't want to know what happened to him…

And she hoped no one would ever tell her the truth…

A/n: Well that was kind of depressing… In the song, the friend who was a pure-bred killing machine is Kira, and I thought the points in the song would be how Miriallia viewed everything after Tolle lost his life.


End file.
